Relationships are meant for our growth and evolution. We learn while we enjoy. There is no need to put an effort to take forward a relationship. They are a natural part of our lives and it is effortless. If the connection is from the heart, the energy in the association flows easily and effortlessly.
What is counseling?
The meaning of the word counseling is advision. In the real sense of counseling there are essentially two parts to counseling, listening and advising. In the first part of listening the counselor actually listens to the subject’s problems or issues carefully and then offers the solutions. In spiritual counseling we add one more component, namely helping the person find his own solution. The advice that we do here is to teach the person to look within so that he or she can find the solution to their problems. We will carefully look at each component in detail.
We are essentially social beings. Though we make the crucial parts of our journey alone (like birth, death and also the darkest moments of our life) we are part of a larger one and we are all connected to each other at a deeper level. We have the ability to understand each other and be there for others. We are here to learn and to teach. While going through a particularly difficult part of our lives it is very comforting to know that there is somebody who understads our situation and to know that we are not alone though the lessons are learnt alone. Having gone through a tough patch in our life makes it easy for us to be there in another person’s journey as a helper.
- Essential Qualities of a Counselor
- Listening skills: A counselor needs to be a good listener. We have to give the person unconditional space so that the person can freely express her problems.
- No or least Advise: Take care to give least advice. Understand that the wisdom of the person is best in any situation. Only they have lived their lives so only they know what it feels like. Only they know the truth of their lives.
- Non Judgmental Space: Care must be taken to be non judgmental while listening to the person. Cultivate the ability to see and understand the person beyond the presenting problem.
- Awareness: Be fully present with awareness so as to understand the nature of their problems. Also be aware of any issues that we are resonating with. We are all connected and we attract similar energies into our lives.
- Ask the right questions: The right questions will always yield the right answers. Instead of getting into the drama of relationships ask about how the individual is feeling and what possibly lead to the present situations.
- Be empowered to empower others: Our mission is to empower the people around us through recognizing the lessons hidden in relationships. For that we must understand the lessons coming to us through our interactions.
- Empathy: Every individual has his or her own journey which they must take through the path they have chosen. Develop empathy to understand that sometimes people learn their lessons through intricate and complicated ways.
- Spiritual understanding: All problems and conflicts exist because we do not understand the spiritual meaning of situations. Know how to increase spiritual quotient through meditation, reading and spending more time with like minded people.
Pre Birth Agreement and Contract
All relationships are part of a pre birth agreement and contract. We agree to meet up in different times of our lives for different purposes and lessons. We forget who we are and where we came from. On the plane of cause and effect we also experience the polarities and learn through them. Every association is mutually nurturing as there are lessons to be learnt for all parties concerned.
Karma and Past Life Connections
Karma plays a very important part in relationships. Most relationships that we have in our reality are karmic. Our most significant and intimate relationships continue from past lives. We often incarnate with the same souls to learn mutual lessons. Repetitive patterns in relationships reflect the underlying themes that we carry forward from past lives.
We are here to remember our agreements and learn our lessons through relationships joyfully. Some people avoid lessons for many lifetimes before they eventually face them. Others learn faster but come back for perfection and mastery. Lessons to be learnt relate to trust, humility, honesty, patience, perseverance, equanimity, joy forgiveness, acceptance, love, compassion etc.
Past Life Baggage:
- There are unresolved issues with people from our past life which we hope to resolve in this lifetime.
- Fear and Phobia
- Abandonment, Neglect, Deprivation
- Shame, guilt
- Unexpressed energies – Fear, anger, jealousy, grief, anxiety, depression
- Lessons in love and compassion
Relationship with Parents
All relationship issues that we face in our current life can be traced back to our relationship with our parents. Events and incidents that we went through in our childhood leave a lasting impact in our psyche. Healing our relationship with our parents is the same as forming a beautiful relationship with our Creator.
Relationship with self:
The most important relationship is your relationship with your Divine Self. Each one of us is an extension of the Source energy which created the entire Universe. The main purpose of our life is to connect to this source energy and bring the Energy, Consciousness and Wisdom down to our physical reality.
In forming th relationship with our self we identify who we are and what we want. Aligning ourselves with our True Self will eventually align the relationships and situations around us to match with who we truly are.
Healing Relationships through Counseling
The most important here is to let people know that they are responsible for their lives and relationships. Introduce spiritual practices like meditation, yoga etc to reduce stress and calm the mind. Later on meditation can be used to find answers to the problems at hand. Meditation can be used as a tool for self enquiry. All answers are within us. Encourage them to find the cause for the situations that they are in now. This also makes the person take responsibility and makes them empowered. Help them to find clarity of purpose in life and to be aligned with their true self. Love and joy do not come from relationship but from within. Teach them to stay centered and treat everyone a equals.
Safe Expression of Emotions
Sometimes we have unexpressed emotions that we have not yet expressed. People around us may trigger these emotions. Here a higher understanding of the past life incident will help in not blaming the current relationships. It is highly recommended that we create space expression emotions lead to inner harmony. Inner harmony leads to harmony in relationships.
- Harmful factors in a relationship
- Unhealthy expression of emotions
- Control and Manipulation
- Need Based
- Relationship over personal growth
- Fear of loneliness/losing
- Requirements for Fulfilling Relationships
- Unconditional Love and space
- Honesty and Truthfulness
- Understanding and forgiveness
- Co-operation and Nurturance
- Mutual respect
- Freedom with healthy boundaries
- Loving Detachment
A relationship of two self-realized complete people is more wholesome and enriching. Long-listing and growth-enhancing than a relationship of two incomplete beings dependent on each other for their needs. Ultimately we learnt to transform our fear based emotions to love based emotions equaling to unconditional love and compassion which is a true sign of our enlightenment.